Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
莉莉她老公编+导的，感觉他水平就一般吧撑不太起来，应该是他们婚(去年9月)前立项，婚后拍摄的，这个主题有点意思
题材不错
二倍速看着蛮有意思的，特效不错，人设有亮点，主剧情稍微有点弱，但这个应该是搞笑日常向漫画本身就有的问题，作影视改编没有太好地重新编排故事有点遗憾。
杰西普莱蒙一年两部网飞，一部是这个，另一部是《犬山记》。故事基本上就是很简单的夫妻二人被劫匪要挟，剧情的推进并不紧凑，导演尝试用缓和而清晰的逻辑去讲故事。
入室抢劫一屋三人的设定还蛮有意思。到头来讲的竟然是美国中产阶级女人厌倦无病呻吟的婚姻生活后的觉醒！
剧本真的好好哦。就是演员演的不咋地，当然也不止演员的问题，导演拍的也不咋地。但剧本真的好好哦。
全片一个庄园，总共出现4个人，故事稀松平淡，小夫妻和劫匪度过了整整一天一夜居然没事情做在那聊上了，劫匪是一个朴素的好人，只是想偷些钱，找到了一把手枪，被回来的小夫妻发现，也没有想杀他们，只想拿更多钱离开这里，要求15w美金，男主人笑了说15w美金有什么生活质量开口给他40w美金😂 男主人屁话太多，激怒了劫匪，劫匪心地善良还是想算了，离开这里就没事了，原本想杀掉丈夫陷害园丁，最后看到劫匪离去，女主人站起身杀了劫匪和射杀了老公，把枪塞到劫匪手里（庄园是我的理想型）
凑合吧，梗明明很有意思，演员也不错，就不知道为啥看着很没劲……中规中矩……老车告别的时候哪怕升华一点点都不至于这么差……
这是暑期档唯一一部笑得出声的电影，万物有灵的设定很赞，“狗友”苦等花妞这个梗太赞了，差点忘了九亿少女的梦消失在大银幕很多年了。小偷偷文物要遭雷劈，那公开搞黄的下流艺术家呢，指鹿为马没底线的文物贩子呢，肆意侮辱学生尊严的校长呢，拿病人生命实验的精神科医生呢。
故事和笑点都没太打动我，但是感觉阿震和草莓的感情很好玩又很无奈，不过同意片尾那段话：
故事过于拖沓，直到热情善良的墨西哥园丁意外身亡后才有趣了起来。尽管可以将前面三人所有的对手戏理解为女主最后反杀的铺垫，但这转折还是生硬了点。尽管我一直很着迷话剧式的低场景少人物的设置，但比起导演14年的《爱的就是你》，这个故事还是倒退了不少。
哎，想象力倒是有，就是剧情真是有些难以。。。就这么样吧，拟人化的角色都好可爱
对不起没有看下去的欲望
倒不是烂，就是编导思维太局限了，只能说是完成，什么样咱不管。一些梗和台词还可以，但是明显撑不起来。
很好看。前面铺垫会有点乏味，要有耐心看。
六七十年代复古风，lifetime电视台肥皂剧情，最后结局倒比较爽。plemons的演技真好
创意满分。
黑色幽默，元素唔够丰富但係都几锺意呢种感觉。
居然大家都不喜欢？我怎么觉得超好的电影，虽然劫匪一直不把人绑起来有点急人。妻子对自己的评价那一段，劫匪的I don’t give a fuck,特别是丈夫嘲笑所有人的那句I exist, so therefore, you own me,也许这世界每一个人都会觉得自己的存在才是世界的真理，但只有富人可以做到并且拿去恶心人。以及，房子太好看了。
故事和笑点都没太打动我，但是感觉阿震和草莓的感情很好玩又很无奈，不过同意片尾那段话：
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